Conducting A Forgiveness Ceremony

Forgiveness is one of the most important ways to repair your heart. You know you have to do it but it’s so darn hard. You find all the reasons you can to not forgive. You convince yourself that forgiveness is “crazy talk”. But….he did this to me. But….she said that to me. You convince yourself it would be wrong to forgive. You then place yourself in your own unforgiving universe just because you don’t want to deal with it or worse yet, you don’t want to let go of “being right”. Somehow you think it is easier to stay angry or hold a grudge than it is to forgive. But is it really?

Think of what it does to your body walking around in perpetual state of unforgiving. You are angry and resentful all the time. It’s like always being in a fight or flight mode. Your heart wasn’t meant to operate that way. Your body wasn’t meant to feel that way. Staying on guard against a threat eventually wears down the body’s natural defenses. After a while, you may end up with physical symptoms ranging anywhere from headaches to heart attacks. Why would you choose to do this to yourself?

What we often forget is that forgiveness is about you not the other person. Forgiveness means you are not focused on proving you are right. Forgiveness means you are not condoning someone’s behavior. Forgiveness means you are trying to better understand what the other may have been through. Forgiveness means you are trying to “let go” so your own heart, soul, mind and body can be free.

For some people, just thinking about forgiveness may not be enough. In those instances, doing something more symbolic can be beneficial. Here is a short forgiveness ceremony you can try.


Any type of household candle.


Sit in a comfortable position or chair.

Light the candle.

Close your eyes.

Breathe in for 5 counts. Breathe out for 5 counts.

Feel your body start to relax.

Now visualize the person you want to forgive (living or deceased) standing on the other side of the candle.

Look into the flame of the candle. It represents love and kindness.

Place what you need to forgive in the candle’s flame.

Once a part of the flame, it turns into beautiful white light. Move this white light into the other person.

Now say “I forgive you” as many times as needed.

After forgiving the other person, wrap yourself in the white light to remove any leftover traces of resentment or anger.

Thank yourself for having the courage to forgive.

Breathe in for 5 counts. Breathe out for 5 counts.

Slowly open your eyes.

Give thanks.


Sending you love, comfort and peace!